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| I haven't had much sleep. Only one cup of coffee this morning. I should be sleeping at this very moment. But for some reason, I'm restless right now. Why? | | |
| Christmas wasn't half bad this year. I got some new snowboarding gear and everyone I got presents for ended up pretty happy. Not bad.
I'm psyched for New Years though. My family has the party formula down: food, drinks, and gambling.
A preview from last year's pics (in the order from above):
  
There's something I wanted this Chirstmas, but I probably won't get it too soon.
Have a great holiday break everyone!
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| Last night was my first day being FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Finally, no more guilt, less stress, and no more feeling like I've sinned everytime I went out instead of studying.
Ok that was fun! Now I work for the next 5 days. Straight.
I hope I was lucky enough to earn some decent grades for the term.
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| Wow. It's days like today that give me a reason to be thankful this holiday season.
For once, life in unfair in my favor. I don't get lucky breaks like these often, so I better make the most of it.
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| Well, I overestimated myself.
I'll rewind just so people know what the heck I'm talking about:
Things I thought I could handle:
- Working full time and doing school full time.
So far I suck at both and I have no time for anything else. I'm at least 12 hours behind in homework and my deadlines for some merchandising plans at work aren't even close to done, and the busiest day in retail is only about 2 weeks away. It's pretty pathetic, I spent a good 6 hours trying to catch up on schoolwork today and I have almost nothing to show for it.
So because of reasons above, I have no time to:
- Find time to kick it with my friends.
Most of my friends don't use xanga (anymore) but once this blows over, I'm going to call everyone and just do something with them. Some kind of bonding at least. Damn, I become a hermit when I get busy. Sorry if I've been kinda distant or shady, it's nothing against you dear friends. My fault.
- Make it to parties/meaningful events.
I've missed out on birthdays, baby showers, starbucks, bubble tea, tailgate parties, family dinners, parties for the hell of it, movies, HALLOWEEN (sorry Nick), dates, dining out, and all sorts of other stuff. What good is having a nice grade or some spare cash if there's no time to share the happiness with?
- Keep a decent relationship.
I won't lie, this is the first breakup where everything was my fault. I'm glad she did what she did, no woman wants a boyfriend who can never be there for her anyway.
You know, a lot of my friends back in high school were always so busy. I was always jealous since they looked like they were so happy and productive on the outside. Back then, I had all the easy classes, no job, and lived away from my parents, but I felt like a loser since everyone was always doing something, while I used all of my free time just to keep me from being bored. Now when I've changed my life to be like them, everything just fell apart. I guess the grass is greener.
So next term if I pass all my classes, I'm going to dedicate a time slot for homework. I'm already demoting myself at work to free up some days. A few bucks isn't worth losing time with some friends and loved ones. I'm going to set a day aside just to spend time with family/friends/etc... Hell, I even have an excel spreadsheet with a schedule made so I know I can pull this off.
I've messed up. I feel like a mess. If there's a god, I hope I've done something to deserve a little bit of mercy. If you believe in prayers, I'd be most grateful if you send one my way. I'll need whatever I can get for the next two weeks. It it's a happy ending, I'll have something to thank for during Thanksgiving.
So there you have it, thats what's been eating at me lately. Hopefully I'll find time for what's REALLY important in life soon. Dunno why I kept it bottled in for so long, but thanks for reading through my rant.
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